Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
