I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
