On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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