Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
