He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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