i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
