im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
