i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
