i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
