So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
