I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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