I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
