I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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