Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
