When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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