I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's Friday. Sex?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
