At least make sure they are 18
Why
another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
