Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
