i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
