I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
please don't ironically join a cult
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