i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
