Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
