I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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