The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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