and she was petting her beer can
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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