Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
