took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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