I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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