i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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