I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
