you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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