3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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