I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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