onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
