remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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