Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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