I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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