break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
