Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
