oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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