is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
