based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
