We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
