Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
