i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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