yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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