I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My life is pants optional.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
