i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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