He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
