ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Randomize
