What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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