Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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