My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
