1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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