my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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