Just fell off a train. Bad.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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