sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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