His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
