You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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