maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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