I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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