We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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