I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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