he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
