You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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