they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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