you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
