tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
