i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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