nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My room smells like vodka and shame
now i know why i became what i already was.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
