i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I would fuck him just for his dog
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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