im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
