I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
