So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
